Zagat's 10 Most Annoying Restaurant Trends
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The 10 Most Annoying Restaurant Trends
by Kelly Dobkin
Some restaurant trends are easy to embrace: lower prices, bigger
portions, free refills, you get the idea. But other, more recent trends
are bordering on the absurd. In fact, some of them are just downright
annoying. Here’s a list of some of the most irritating restaurant trends
– developed with some suggestions from our
30 Under 30 honorees – that have us shouting: “Dear God, make it stop!”
1. Communal Tables
Like Communism itself, communal tables are a great idea…in theory.
But let’s face it, even Karl Marx couldn’t endure this much sharing.
Sure, they’re great for the single diner who’s looking to make
"friends," but for the most part, if you start talking to the person
next to you at a communal table, you’re probably interrupting a date or
butting your nosy self into someone else’s business. If the restaurant
has even an ounce of cachet, you’re most likely shoved up against the
next table anyway – in which case you should still MYOB.
2. “The Civil War” Look
A hallmark of the “Brooklyn aesthetic,” more and more restaurants
nationwide are being decked out in rickety furniture that looks like it
got ganked from the home of a Civil War reenactor. Note to restaurants:
wall-mounted wagon wheels and photos of dead bearded dudes don’t make
the food taste any better. Live in the now!
3. Chalkboard Menus
We kind of got over reading off a chalkboard in say…pre-school? After
a long day of staring at a computer screen, the last thing we’re trying
to do is have to squint at a barely legible menu scribbled on a wall
halfway across the room. Are restaurants doing this to make the prices
appear fuzzier?
4. Mustachioed Bartenders
We’re not knocking all facial hair, but we don’t need Wyatt Earp
mixing up our martini. The suspenders, the fedoras, the
mustaches…nuh-uh. The more pretentious the whiskers, the more we just
want to get wasted on Malibu bay breezes and be done with it.
Note to restaurants: The Civil War is over
5. “Gourmet punch”
There’s nothing like a $45 bowl of Earl Grey–spiked punch served in
dainty crystal teacups to get the party started. Last time we checked,
we weren’t attending a turn-of-the-century high school prom. Can we get a
real drink, please?
6. Iceless Table Water
Whatever happened to ice? Just a quick note to restaurants: not
everyone is an ice-hating European or a germaphobe who thinks all ice is
contaminated. All of a sudden, it’s as if liking ice in your water
makes you a T.G.I. Friday’s–going rube. What gives, man?
7. Pop-Up Restaurants
Pop-ups are to real restaurants what hot, emotionally unavailable men
on motorcycles are to love-starved 38-year-old single women – a
pointless tease. The allure of pop-ups is clearly their impermanence,
but are they merely a way of dodging failure? Some brilliant person
thought to himself: “Most new restaurants fail within the first months
of opening, so, hey, why not just open one for only that long?” Note to
that dude: um, no. The odds of anybody making a profit during such a
short run are slim, and what’s worse, fans of the eatery will have to
say buh-bye to it the second they get hooked. Le sigh. Pop-ups are a
lose-lose for everyone.
8. “Comfort-Food” Menus
We’re all for indulging in comfort food when the moment strikes, but
lately it seems like an alarming number of major chefs are opening
eateries that serve nothing more than overpriced, overly gussied-up
versions of dishes you could have learned watching Paula Deen. Eighteen
dollars for some mediocre mac ’n’ cheese, $26 for a breaded pork chop,
$22 for fried chicken. Can chefs please go back to being chefs?
9. Sliders
Putting the word “slider” on your menu has been known to cause
instantaneous food boners among middle-aged ex–frat boys. “Dude, they’ve
got sliders on the menu…hook those up, brah!” And lately it seems like
almost any meat item is being “slider-ized.” Crisped-up kernels of pork
belly packed between two bready buns is no doubt delicious, but it’s
definitely not a “slider.”
10. Bread Baskets You Have to Pay For
Restaurants that charge for bread are as irritating as airlines that
charge for a bag of peanuts. We don’t care how many wheat-scything
artisanal bakers it took to make it, there’s no way bread should cost as
much as your appetizer.
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